If you met or were introduced to yourself, perhaps a clone, would you like that person? Would they be a good influence on you?

Social media has provided a microphone to all users to express an opinion on everything, 24 hours a day. Long gone are the days of the adage, “If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all.” These days many brag about the fact they have no filter. I’m all for people being themselves, but if being yourself means harming others with word or deed; I’m out.

Many of our readers may be unfamiliar with how Facebook and social media can harbor and reveal a person’s character. It can go something like the following: a public comment is made, sometimes a disguised request for information or comment that turns into a “pile on”. I refer to a “pile on” as when someone instigates a negative spin and others pile on with comments. It’s like fishing for negativity and there are plenty of people ready to take the bait. It seems people can’t wait to comment their bad experience with someone or something all in the name of helping a friend, being honest or requesting information. And that ladies and gentlemen, is how our kids are being schooled in how to be rude, mean or to bully. The lesson comes complete with how to earn a “get-out-of-jail-free-card” when the offenders say when questioned, “but I was just …“ and end that sentence with “asking a question”, “being honest” or “kidding”. The word, “just” seems to resolve a multitude of offenses. I am “just” appalled at their behavior. Though social media has many good uses and I love it; there are many opportunities to use its power in negative ways. It’s this use of social media that reveals the ugliest side of humanity. This is what many teachers and school administration have to contend with as they attempt to educate our young people to be successful members of society. Sometimes they even have to model personally how to handle negativity online as they, too, are sometimes tried in the social media court of opinion as well.

We live in a society where television programming often demonstrates to kids that it’s cool to be sarcastic and talk back to parents. They, then, may observe some grownups on social media who value the fact that they can’t control their thoughts and comments or share memes that are disrespectful to groups of people.

When history looks back at this generation it will be sorely judged by social media conduct and what reality television has taught us. It takes emotional intelligence to handle things that disturb or upset us in life. It has to be taught young and should begin in the home. Schools are overburdened as it is trying to model and teach appropriate behaviors. They are trying their best and need society’s help.

I want to say to any young person or adult who has been treated unfairly or bullied on social media or in their daily life: You can’t control how other people feel, or how they receive your personality. Please know that anything you do or say gets filtered through the bully’s mindset and that is made up of whatever they are going through or have been through; which has absolutely nothing to do with you. And more importantly, their actions say much more about them and their character than anything negative said about you. Rise above negativity and what others may say.

So many people influence our lives in both subtle and blatant ways. We are the authors of our own stories and we are in charge of who has impact. There’s a story I remember reading once about the writer, director, producer and actor, Kevin Smith, that has stuck with me. Whether you know who Kevin is or like or dislike him that will not matter in this story. It’s about the importance of knowing that only we have ownership of our stories and ultimately our future. When Smith was 19 around 1989, he dated a girl whose mother knew that he had dreams of becoming a writer. After he and the girl broke up as young people often do, he came by the girl’s house to pick up some of his things. He ran into her mother who handed Kevin a piece of graph paper that she had folded so he couldn’t read it as he walked away. As he left, she said, “If I’m wrong, come find me and I’ll eat this.” When Kevin got to his car he opened the note and read something he wasn’t expecting. On the graph paper she had written, “Kevin Smith will never be a famous writer. He does not have the drive. I do wish him luck.” She had signed and dated it at the bottom as if it were an official document. She stamped his young future with her negative opinion and told him in writing that his dream of becoming a writer would never come true. He could have let this document and her opinion crush his spirit. What he did was to use it as fuel. He cut out her sentiment and placed it in a small baseball card frame and has kept it on his desk all these years. He said the note served as a constant reminder that no one would write his story but him. Smith has gone on to be a big success having written many movies and winning several awards.

That my friends, is how everyone who has ever been bullied online or in-person should handle negativity. Use it as your fuel to be the best version of yourself.

As George R. R. Martin wrote, “A lion doesn’t concern itself with the opinion of sheep.” To those who are bullied or bothered by negativity; You are enough. Be You. It’s none of your business what others may say about you. You are amazing and unique in your own right.

Pam Lowe is the editor of the Clay County Courier. She may be reached at pamlowe@claycountycourier.com