There’s an underestimated life skill that either makes or breaks a person’s trajectory in life. It can actually advance or end careers. It’s not something people generally think about as a helpful trait unless you are an educator, coach, parent, or boss. It is the trait of being coachable or teachable. We tend to think of sports when we contemplate it, and it is important on the court or on the field, but it also imperative for personal and professional growth. I believe it is fair to say that without this skill or characteristic, our growth can be stunted.

There’s a philosophy among those in charge of companies when looking for new hires and that is to employ people who are coachable because smart business owners know that job candidates may not have the most experience starting out, but they will quickly exceed due to their willingness to listen and learn. One of the signs of a teachable person is they are willing to put aside their pride to ask questions about things with which they are unfamiliar.

My nephew, a grown man in his thirties now, said something the other day when recalling his football days playing for our local high school football coach that made sense to me. He shared that although his coach was tough, he would have run through actual walls for him if he had asked him to do it. Even though the coach demanded his players’ best efforts and my nephew wasn’t always happy with constructive criticism concerning his performance on the field or in practice, he respected the man and still does. To paraphrase he said that football wins didn’t come down to whether the team ran this play or that play. A play alone, generally won’t win a ballgame, it’s whether players respect coaches and are coachable. Uncoachable teams don’t win many ball games, just as unteachable employees often do not move up in organizations. This mindset and characteristic is just that valuable.

Part of the problem today is that the age of deference is over. You can visit any classroom, K-12 or higher education; and see that attitudes have changed and a certain respect for teachers and coaches is often missing. We can observe the general public’s behavior at ball games, stop lights, retail and grocery stores, and on social media, and you’re certain to see a few acts of impertinence or contempt. It seems respect and regard for others is an antiquated notion.

Somehow the growth of egos has ballooned in some facets of society that no words of wisdom from experts or research-based facts can be of value. Suddenly, we all know best. Here is the thing, to be coachable, egos have to be checked at the door. Not only that, but to be the best, we should seek out feedback and be able to accept it. Therein lies where we can often fall short. We have to learn how to use feedback as it is intended. As adults, we learn our jobs depend on having that ability. As parents and adults in young people’s lives we aren’t doing them a favor when we enable their egos as there will be many times in their lives when feedback will not be favorable. In order to be successful, they have to know how to take that feedback and grow from it. That is in essence, the root of learning. We learn, unlearn and relearn. Teachable people know there is always room for improvement. Sadly, some people never come to realize that those that tell you the unvarnished truth in an effort to help you, are to be treasured.

The best way to improve at anything is to actively listen to constructive criticism from coaches or experts in a field and apply that pointer or advice. Coachability does not mean the most capable or clever, it means the one with the most heart and drive. The one that takes their gifts and expand on them by taking suggestion, advice and productive assessment or evaluation.

Michael Jordan once said, “My best skill was that I was coachable. I was a sponge and aggressive to learn.”

As uncoachable people may pout and complain when they disagree with input or criticism from coaches or employers, they often end up cutting off their own noses to spite their faces as they stunt their own growth. And anyone who is enabling their mindset is doing a disservice to them.

We have to begin to teach young people how to handle constructive criticism and to realize that it is meant to help them improve and not to be taken personally, but it’s actually meant to show them a vision of who they could become.