Sometimes I feel inadequate when I read other people’s Christmas letters—and not just because I never send one. In the spirit of giving, those of you who are efficient and leading lives worthy of an annual Christmas letter could help us jealous types out. Of course we want to hear about your family and your many adventures, but anyone who’s in a rut wants company. Why not include some things we can relate to. To show you what I mean, I’m including this actual letter I made up from the Envyofall family. I made them up too. I’ve put my suggestions for making it more reader friendly in brackets.

Merry Christmas Friends, We hope your year has been as wonderful as ours! [It wasn’t.] We started out 2022 with a vacation to Cancun. What a wonderful and warm time! When we got home, we had to convince everyone that our tans were real. [Don’t rub it in! Did anyone lose their luggage, their passport or their temper? That’s what we want to know!] Seriously, the trip set the tone for the remainder of a fabulous year. [Mention your credit card bills here. That will make us feel better too.] In June, we took a three-week trip to Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks in our new motor home. [Any flat tires? Engine trouble? And be honest, didn’t you drive each other crazy packed together in that thing for that long? We did, and we were in a four-bedroom house.] The kids are doing great! How blessed we are to have such beautiful, well-behaved children. [Don’t gush too much. That may not be how we remember your children.] Quincy is a senior. He’s a computer whiz and has helped so many people with computer issues that he finally decided to start his own business. He’s also a fabulous saxophone player and already has his own band which has won countless competitions. Between the business and the band, he’s earning lots of money just in time for college. But it turns out, he won’t need any! He received a full-ride scholarship to Superior University. [If you have any complaints about your son, list them here. Does he wear those really baggy pants? Talk back? Burp at the dinner table?] Mirabelle is in ninth grade. We’re so proud of her!w She participates in soccer, basketball, volleyball, softball, ballet, band, orchestra, choir, cheerleading, theatre, debate, German Club, and Girls Scouts. She also volunteers at a local nursing home three nights a week, does some modeling at the local mall, and teaches Sunday school. She’s president of her class and is thinking of running for city council, a decision we fully support. [Yes, but do you disapprove of her boyfriend? Tells us all about him. Just don’t send your letter to his parents.] Dexter is now Senior Vice President of his company. I continue to run my own import export business from our home. This has allowed me to care for the children while still earning enough to fully fund our retirement plan and purchase a winter home in Arizona. [If you lost anything in the stock market recently, now would be a good time to mention it. And don’t you have any surgeries, injuries, or cavities to talk about? If your life is perfect, fabricate. Legal issues are always interesting.] Happy holidays to you and yours! We think of you often and hope to see you soon. [We think of you often too, but don’t want to see you until we have something to show for ourselves.] Sincerely, The Envyofall family [If you’re very late getting your letter to us, we’ll enjoy it more.] Dorothy Rosby is the author of ’Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate; Holidays, Special Occasions and Other Times Our Celebrations Get Out of Hand, coming in November 2022. Contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/ contact.